Sung to the tune of the Theme from M.A.S.H. (Suicide is Painless): With apologies to Alfred E. Neumann and Mad Magazine

I don’t want to be primaried
Out spent by Elon can’t you see
Displaced by people fighting me
Who have unlimited money 

Cowardice is contagious
It brings on no good changes
And I can be a toady if I please

Who needs representative democracy
Let’s have trickle down autocracy
Eliminate bureaucracy
That serves people like you and me.

Cowardice is contagious
It brings on no good changes
And I can be a toady if I please

I’ll act just like a nematode
No spine or backbone as you know
Just burrow through the mud and slime
Get reelected bide my time.

Cowardice is contagious
It brings on no good changes
And I can be a toady if I please

No matter if it kills democracy.

(By Heidi Lindemann and Michael Perry)