![](\"https:\/\/krishannah.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/12\/speak-the-truth.jpg?w=261&h=250&crop=1\")
\nKiller silences<\/p>\n
\nKiller silences<\/p>\n
forgetting\u2026.
\nor trying to forget
\nyet the images bounce back
\neach time the word is seen, heard, read\u2026\u2026.<\/p>\n
forgiving
\nnever\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n
living with the pictures
\nalways
\nhidden, covered<\/p>\n
pictures of him
\npictures of disgust,
\nforcing himself between my legs
\ndown my intimacy
\nwithout my consent
\nby applying his strength
\nthe first day of our kiss
\nor after so many times
\nwithout romance
\nwithout foreplay
\nfor his own orgasm
\nor when i am asleep
\nin the middle of the night
\nor when i am not awake yet\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
extreme disrespect for my body
\nlet alone for my mind<\/p>\n
when the first feeling is shock
\ndid it really happen?
\na look at him
\nis it you you just did this to me?
\ni do not know you anymore
\nthe words heard
\nyou are an old woman
\nyou do not want sex any longer
\nyou
\nyou
\nyou<\/p>\n
and the feeling of guilt that emerges
\nsuddenly<\/p>\n
the sleepless rest of the night is not finished
\nand yet the guilt has started building up
\nlike a fortress that will
\nkeep the silence for too long<\/p>\n
when the following day is wordless
\nor \u2018normal\u2019
\nwhen working hours fakely hide the reality<\/p>\n
survival<\/p>\n
when coming back
\nlate
\nto the place that should be a refuge
\nbecomes a trip to a scary hell<\/p>\n
and days and nights repeat themselves
\namongst other abuses\u2026<\/p>\n
and an intimate life of guilt
\nbehind the fortress of silence<\/p>\n
when the guilt confines to the border of non worthiness
\nwhen the repetition converts a human being
\ninto a nobody
\na small wrinkled ball thrown to a corner
\nthat no one can see
\nand that does not have enough air
\nto call for help.<\/p>\n
how to send a SOS
\nwhen one is reduced to no one
\nby the recurring forced power
\nexerted to tame<\/p>\n
when the mind becomes split from the body
\nwhen the body becomes object
\nand the mind this little wrinkled ball<\/p>\n
tamed to guilt
\nwho can see it
\nwho can see me?
\nbehind the mask
\nwhen the effort of a begging hand
\nbecomes an exhaustion<\/p>\n
breathing truces
\nwhen the conscience knows
\nthey are all false promises<\/p>\n
why to seek help then
\nwhen the \u2018normal times\u2019 come back
\ntimes when thinking straighter becomes possible
\nfalse hope it will never happen again
\nit will happen again
\nand again
\nthe fortress and the ball<\/p>\n
the wrench between
\nthe tamed mind that think still
\nand the no one\u2019s body<\/p>\n
will any one see it?
\nif only someone could see it
\ni could start throwing a word that could lead
\na listener to understand
\nthe hell i live in\u2026..<\/p>\n
of course there is the law
\nbut who would believe a married woman
\naccusing her husband of sexual assault
\nthe effort of reporting to the police
\nseems an exhaustion too<\/p>\n
the little mind ball wants to survive
\nand relating recent incidents
\nwill collapse it
\nthis is sure
\nit will become a mount of dust
\ndisconnected pieces of nothingness<\/p>\n
better to stay this little ball
\nsurvival
\nand keep our killer silences\u2026..<\/p>\n
desperation for
\nsomething external to happen
\nthe only possible salut<\/p>\n
the salut comes from him
\nwhen the killer silences
\nend up frustrating him
\nand he leaves the house of hell\u2026\u2026\u2026.
\nand i cry, cry, cry
\nmy love has left me
\nwas it really love?<\/p>\n
sleepless nights
\nof a half empty bed
\nof a half empty self
\ntears filling the ocean of pains<\/p>\n
hour after hour
\nday after day
\nweek after week
\nthe habit of the void builds up
\na void that becomes softer
\nbecause of survival
\ni can live
\ni can live without him
\ni can move without him
\ni can breath without him
\ni can think without him
\ni can be without him
\nthe healing hope
\ntakes months of other efforts
\nto hook into the mind
\ntill the postponed and postponed day
\nwhen the law learns about the ordeals
\nbetween the hiccups of the tears
\nand this day, i know i have won
\nthis day i am freed<\/p>\n
(Photo Credit: https:\/\/krishannah.wordpress.com)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Killer silences forgetting\u2026. or trying to forget yet the images bounce back each time the word is seen, heard, read\u2026\u2026. forgiving never\u2026\u2026.. living with the pictures always hidden, covered pictures of him pictures of disgust, forcing himself between my legs down my intimacy without my consent by applying his strength the first day of our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":220,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[5611,5071,210],"class_list":["post-20179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","tag-francoise-louis","tag-rape","tag-silence","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20179","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/220"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20179"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20179\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21380,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20179\/revisions\/21380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20179"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20179"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.womeninandbeyond.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20179"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}