<\/p>\n
I had no idea. Despite limited activity on Saturday and Sunday. Despite eating every weekend dinner with my aunt. Despite extra trips to the grocery store. Despite added stress and limited sleep, it wasn\u2019t until I was much older, did I finally have an idea that my mom was a domestic worker.<\/p>\n
Starting when I was five years old, my mom started working every Saturday and Sunday evening cooking for an elderly couple. From 5:00pm until 8:30pm she\u2019d stay at their home, preparing, cooking and serving dinner and dessert. She helped occasionally for several months, until the weekend cook left and she agreed to take her position and started working Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. She says she considered the job, \u201ca blessing. I received good pay for what I did. They were good if I wanted to take time off. I could always switch things around with someone else that cooked. Also, they were in good health and I could prepare things for them before I left and they still had a nice meal the night I wasn\u2019t there\u201d.<\/p>\n
When the wife passed away, my mom started working more evenings and by the time I went to college she was working five, sometimes even six nights a week. Then, \u201cEverything was a different story. He took advantage of me and the other people helping him. I observed how he treated the woman that helps him during the day. He refused to buy her health insurance and he expanded her hours, but didn\u2019t pay her for the extra time\u201d, my mom said.<\/p>\n
Often, the line between her personal space when she is or isn\u2019t at his house is blurry. \u201cLast week he called my office because he said he didn\u2019t know where I was. He called simply because he thought he had a right to\u201d, she says. \u201cSometimes he asks me to go early to spend extra time with him, but he never pays me the extra hours,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
\u201cOther times he\u2019ll call me when he is in town and I\u2019ll help him out with rides to where he needs to go. I feel like I\u2019m doing him a favor because I\u2019m fond of him, but then I realized he\u2019d ask for help because he knew he didn\u2019t have to pay us,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n
Despite the fact they had a friendly relationship, when I asked her why she didn\u2019t ask him for compensation for the additional work, she said, \u201cI needed the job and I felt lucky to have it\u201d.<\/p>\n
He also makes her feel extremely guilty. \u201cSometimes he\u2019ll make snotty comments. That\u2019s stressful,\u201d she explains. If she does something he doesn\u2019t like he\u2019ll \u201cbe quiet with me for weeks on end. I know he\u2019s mad and not happy. It\u2019s his way of staying in control. He\u2019ll do anything to stay in control no matter what the impact is on our schedule, time or personal lives\u201d, she explains.<\/p>\n
Last Christmas my mom was with him on both Christmas Eve and Christmas night. \u201cHe\u2019ll be thrilled I\u2019ll be there Christmas Eve and he doesn\u2019t care that I won\u2019t be with my family\u201d, she said. Although two of his grandchildren want to cook for him on Christmas Eve, his children decided my mom had to cook the holiday meal because they said she is a better cook.\u00a0 \u201cJust because I\u2019d be better, I can\u2019t be with my family,\u201d my mom says.<\/p>\n
My mom\u2019s employer is ninety-four. Contemplating the day he\u2019s gone leaves my mom with many mixed emotions. \u201cAs frustrated as I\u2019ve gotten, I think about him being gone and it makes me sad\u201d, she says. She knows she\u2019s going to miss him.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s the person I\u2019ve had dinner with five days a week the past three years and for the past seventeen years we\u2019ve eaten dinner together at least two nights a week\u201d she says. \u00a0On the other hand, \u201cI\u2019ll be relieved when he\u2019s gone. I feel guilty about that\u201d, she says as she begins to cry. \u201cKnowing no one will yell at me or put demands on me will be nice,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When I asked her to express her general sentiments of being a domestic care worker. She says she never considered herself domestic help.<\/p>\n
I just never thought about it. In my mind, I think of domestic help as taking place in a different time. I know I\u2019m a caregiver, but I never put myself in the context of domestic care worker. I was always so quiet about the job and I just did what I did. I just felt like I was there to cook dinner and do odds and end things around the house. He needed so little care, that he was just looking for company. I think falling into the job and not considering it a profession made me never think of it that way. It was just an extra job, extra money.<\/p>\n
Maybe I couldn\u2019t identify my mother as a domestic care worker because she doesn\u2019t identify as a domestic care worker. The work of care workers is defined as the relationships and activities involved in maintaining people on a daily basis and intergenerationally. It often involves emotional, physical and \u201ccommunity care<\/a>\u201d. Just as my mother and I didn\u2019t know, I assume there are many other domestic care workers throughout the world unaware of the position they serve. In order to ensure all domestic care workers receive fair and just working conditions it is imperative that they accurately recognize the work they do.<\/p>\n